Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
