If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She needs sedatives and a leash
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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