He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
