This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
