is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
