She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
