So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
