She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
