Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Please don't give away my fajitas
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
