i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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