her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish I only lived at night.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
