Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
