Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
