she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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