I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
