Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
