Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
