just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
