Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
