she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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