Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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