It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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