these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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