A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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