wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
