You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
