worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
