neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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