she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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