there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize