Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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