No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
