She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
