I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
