i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize