If i come over, it means nothing
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
