its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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