grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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