xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This baby is an asshole
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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