i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She bit a glass in half.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
