I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
