Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
