Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
