I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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