The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
