theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
