last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
