try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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