Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
