WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
