i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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