community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
