my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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