I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
