its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
