i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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