last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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