jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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