Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
