it was like eating out sand paper
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how drunk are you?
Several
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize