Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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