Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
