I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
