woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
