it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
