I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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