Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize