Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
