OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
