i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
