that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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