i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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